Bathing Suit Ads: Foreshadowing the Failure of My New Years Resolutions

I’ll be truthful.  I once ordered a bathing suit online while eating pie (out of the container). This was definitely a low point. Sometimes I block it out, other times I embrace it in the spirit of self-motivation.

So, I got one today. A bathing suit ad promising I would look a whole size smaller. I was checking my email and eating potato chips an apple when the ad came through.  How did they know? Are they banking on the fact that I can’t keep my cliché New Years Resolutions? Uh, you betcha.  And they are right.

Yes, I like the occasional potato chip, but on the whole I have been making better food choices to no avail.

I know what is keeping me from making progress. It’s soda. But I love it. My husband says it’s an addiction. I prefer to think of it as a habit.

So, I’m trying to quit my habit. I am three days soda sober and hopeful it will last. Maybe this blog can serve as public accountability for me. At the end of each post I will report my progress.

If the update isn’t there this could mean one of three things:

1) lack of caffeine is keeping the neurons in my brain from firing and I have no recollection of this commitment;
2) I’m laying on the floor twitching; or,
3) I’m bingeing on soda and will soon be needing a support group and this bathing suit (which is basically a $90 sausage casing).

So…what’s your vice?

Surely Hard Liquor and Wine was Invented by Moms

My basis for this assumption came to me today in a cup of poo. Oh, how I wish I were kidding, but you just can’ t make this stuff up.

It was actually a form of punishment and one of the many ways I am being tested through motherhood. Well, I got an “F” today.

Here’s my recipe for cup ‘0 poo:

A friend’s mom mentioned today that a local newspaper is looking for columnists. Naturally, that became a first order of business when I got home. My son had been so good today that I decided to reward him with some M&Ms in a cup and his favorite TV show.

I got to work on my application. A few minutes later, my son comes over to me with the cup that had once held the M&Ms. Something was off. As he walked towards me I saw what looked like chocolate chips in the cup. But on closer inspection, my boy…my darling angel, had proudly brought me a cup of his poop.

Why is this happening to me? What was his message. It didn’t take me long to figure it out. Clearly, he would rather have my attention than my bribe (my hush chocolate). Duly noted, son. Duly noted.

I cleaned him up and gave him my undivided attention the rest of the night.

Yet another lesson learned the hard way.

Please tell me I am not alone in this? Somebody…anybody? Bueller?  Well, since my cup runneth over with poo, I think I will go find some wine or hard liquor and toast the moms who invented it.

Cheers!

And the Turds Rained Down

Just when you think you are being a good mom…WHAM! The turds rain down.

You might be familiar with my son’s previous poo escapades. (The Many Adventures of Charlie the Poo and I Think I May Have Channelled Poo).

As of this weekend, I was rejoicing that my son (2.5) has turned the corner when it comes to potty training. I haven’t been very aggressive about this. Despite my laziness, he seemed to figure out that he can control his bodily functions and we have been having pee pee party after poo poo party.  

Just when I thought I was doing okay, five pudgy fingers reach down into a poopy diaper and find mini turds that miraculously turn into play-doh!

So it’s 10:00 PM and my son calls for us. (I guess his play-doh was drying up).  My husband goes in there in the dark and I happened to be going down the hall when my momnose got a whiff. I changed directions and flared my nostrils as I went in. I knew what I was going to find. I just didn’t know where it was going to be. We couldn’t find it at first, so my husband and I started to clean him up.  My favorite moment was when Charlie tried to touch my husband with his poopy hands and my husband shouted “Don’t touch me!” like he had Turrets.

We were laughing as we formed a search party to round up any stray turds. I knew one was lurking somewhere. (There’s always one). We found it smeared on a toy in the crib. Nasty. Really. Why me? 

Sigh. Well, everything and everyone is now clean and in the proper place.  But just when I think I have my shit together…my kids will prove that I don’t. Sometimes, literally.

Have the turds rained down on you, lately? Do share.

Which Way to the Mompants?

I used to be put together. Now, I can often be found in a ponytail and what can only be called mompants. My mom uniform  is black drawstring pants from Target and a long-sleeved t-shirt.

I didn’t even know I had a uniform, until I realized my last pair of black drawstring pants needed to be thrown out on account of smelliness. My washer wasn’t working properly and because of that (plus my self-diagnosed ADD) a critical  load of laundry sat in the washer too long and I can’t get the smell out.  After $300 in washing machine repair, I now have to replace the smelly clothes.

Off to Target. Which way to the mompants, Target people? Oh, over here. Thanks.  Saw another mom at the racks. “You here for the mompants, too?” She wasn’t amused. I was, though.

I’ll be thinking about her tomorrow when I debut my new sweats. Not too much longer and I can trade in my winter uniform for my summer one. That consists of flip-flops, a rainbow of t-shirts and khaki cargo shorts. Oh yeah, and the ever-present ponytail.  You know, I know better. I just don’t care right now. I guess I need that moment in the store when I walk past some mirrors and am taken aback at the frumpster I see before me.

Heather Robinson. Temporary resident of Frumptown, USA. Where do you get YOUR mompants? What’s your uniform? Fess up. You know you have one.

Freeze Dusting

Give each child a Swiffer Duster and turn on some music. When mom stops the music, the kids freeze. Then you move to another area and do it again.

It’s fun for the kids and you get a little help around the house!

I was hunting a picture and found some coupons. Here’s a link: http://www.swiffer.com/en_US/promotions.do

Happy Cleaning!

True Confession

Here it is. Are you ready? I secretly like one of my kids’ DVDs. I found myself listening to it alone in my car yesterday after I dropped my kids off. Isn’t that sad when I was about 20″ from that button I pay for called (((XM))).

Most kid TV makes me want to scratch out my own eyeballs, but I really love Here Come the ABC’s by they Might Be Giants. Yes, the same guys who gave you the Istanbul (Not Constantinople) have a kids CD and DVD. 

Obviously, I recommend it.You and your kids will like it.

And when I was looking for this clip, I saw they have a counting DVD called Here Come the 123’s. Anyone have that one? Perhaps I can put it on my iPod and listen to it at the gym. Yes, I am kidding. But if you are forced to listen to the same thing over and over again, you might as well like it. (Not to mention it is educational).

#23: Three Cartwheels and a Somersault

Today was Mom’s Day Out registration day for the fall session. In order to get your choice of days, you have to get up at an ungodly hour and, you guessed it…take a number at church! Fortunately, though, after you get your number you can leave.

Apparently, the first person showed up at 4:15! Seriously, the whole thing is sort of nuts. Well, I must be a pecan, because I got there at 5:09 and 22 people had already been there. 

I was busy judging numbers 1-22. (As if my 5:09 arrival time was much different).

Then I started to think about why I was willing to do my three cartwheels and a somersault with all the other parents. I wish I could say it’s for my kids. It’s actually more selfish than that. I wanted first pick of classes so I could get what suited my schedule. It’s actually for me and I really shouldn’t be judging anyone else.

So, I am exhausted, but we are all set for fall! I guess it’s worth one early morning a year to make the most out of the free time I get from Mom’s Day Out during the school year.  I know I would not be sane without it.

What kinds of nutty things do you do to make your life easier? And, by the way, is it bedtime yet?

M-I-C…K-E-Y…M-O-U-S-E: Planning Your First Disney Trip

We took our kids (ages 2 and 5) to Disney World in October and had a blast. I learned a few things that are worth sharing. First I have to give props to my friends Cherise and Linda (both Disney regulars), who really helped me understand how it all works so I could make good decisions about our trip. 

Here are some things to keep in mind when you are planning a Disney trip with small children:

TRANSPORTATION:  There are advantages to taking a car from the hotel to the park. There can be long lines to ride the Disney Transportation and at the end of the day when your kids are pooped you have to deal with them while you wait in a line for a bus. It was REALLY nice to just get in the car and leave when we were done.

If you have a car, it also is really convenient to be able to drive to a restaurant or hit a drive through for breakfast. You can spend a fortune at the resort for mediocre food. Plus, it takes time out of your morning to go through that process. You want to save all the happy kid wake time for the parks.

STROLLERS: There is so much walking that even my 5-year-old was glad to have a stroller. They have strollers you can rent, but if you drive instead of fly, it is really nice to have your own stroller. Not only does it save you the $27/day stroller fee, but you have to check that at the door to the park when you leave. So if your kids are wiped out and you have to get them through a bus line or to your car, you might be carrying them (plus all the stuff you brought with you). 

Before we went, I got two bright orange bandanas. I put one on each of our strollers. Here’s why: When you go to an attraction you put your stroller in the stroller parking area. Disney employees are constantly rearranging them as people come and go, so you will benefit from having a way to easily  identify your stroller (especially if you rent one and it looks like every other stroller there).

One other note about the strollers you can rent – it’s a double stroller and the kids sit side by side with no barrier between them. I know my kids would have fought like cats and dogs.  On the other hand, an advantage to a double stroller is that you don’t have to always be pushing a stroller. One parent can be hands free.

MEALS: We were on a tight budget, so I didn’t do the meal plan. I was worried the kids wouldn’t eat enough to make it worthwhile. In the end, I was happy with that decision. When they are a little older it might be different. The good thing about doing the meal plan is that it includes sit down meals. You can book character meals for those. You don ‘t have to be on a plan to book a character meal, but they book up fast and you can make reservations 180 in advance (used to be 90 days).

We did the Princess Breakfast at Cinderella’s Castle. It was fantastic. If you have girls, you can let them wear their princess costumes. It was a lot of fun and we thought the food was excellent. My daughter didn’t eat much. She was pretty overwhelmed by the whole thing.

They have the Bippity Boppity Boutique where you can take your kids for a dress up session, but I thought it was too expensive. I am sure my daughter would have liked it, but the whole Disney experience was so magical that skipping it didn’t matter. I will say that the little girls who had been to the boutique had their hair in a bun with some hair spray glitter on top. I did put her hair up in a bun, but next time I will take some spray glitter. She really liked it on the other girls.  

Additionally, the menus of the park restaurants are online. I have picky eaters, so I looked at those up front to know where my peeps would be happiest.  I took a lunch size soft cooler and put juice boxes and mini bottled waters in there. I brought a hand full of zip lock bags from home and used ice from the hotel vending machines to make ice packs. Taking our own drinks saved us lots of money and it was just convenient not to have to go find one if you wanted one.

ATTRACTIONS: Have a game plan in advance. I made a huge itinerary for each day. Did we stick to it? Not really. But I was glad I had done it because I knew how to manage our activities so I could minimize waiting in lines. This is KEY when you are there with little kids. It can be hard to entertain them when there is a lot of waiting, so think about what kinds of things you can throw in the bottom of the stroller for that.  Also, when you are looking at the attractions you want to do, keep the Fast Pass in mind. You can only do one fast pass at a time, so hit that first and then go wait in line for nearby attractions that don’t have a Fast Pass option. You get more done that way.

This picture (left) is the place where they do Story Time with Belle. Note the people sitting on the ramp on the right side of the stage. Those people knew something I did not. After story time (which is great fun), the gate is closed and no one else can enter. Anyone that was there for story time can stay and meet Belle. The people on that ramp obviously knew that. They were first in line.

AN EXTRA SET OF HANDS: We took my mother-in-law and it was awesome. Not only did we have an extra set of hands, we had more flexibility. One of the days we were there, my two-year-old wasn’t feeling well, so my mother-in-law stayed with him, so we could still take our five-year-old to the park. She loved the individual attention, so in the end it worked out okay. Additionally, thanks to our extra set of hands,  my husband and I got to have a Disney date night. We got to go ride all the rides and didn’t have to worry about the kids.

HOTEL: We stayed in a budget resort (Pop Century) and it was decent. It was clean and pretty new, but it was small. We were tripping over each other in there. If we take an extra set of hands again we will definitely need two rooms or a bigger room. You aren’t in the room that much, but you do want to be able to sleep well. If you work with a travel agent, a lot of times they can get you a good deal, so consider upgrading if you have granny with you.

PARKS: Since it was our first trip, we focused mainly on Magic Kingdom (3 days). We also did Hollywood Studios (1  day), mostly to see the new Toy Story ride. It is fantastic. We just bought the base tickets and that worked out fine for our first trip. However, I think next time I would do hopper passes so we can have more flexibility. In my opinion, Hollywood Studios didn’t have as much for the little ones. It was hard to fill an entire day with that park. It would have been nice to split that day between that park and another.

CALENDAR: Check the Disney Calendar as you make your itinerary. Some parks have Extra Magic Hours, which means they open early or stay open late and that privilege is only extended to patrons of the Disney resorts (your room key gets you in). If there is an attraction you want to do that typically has a really long line – this is when you should take advantage of extra magic hours. Also, certain times of year there are special events. We went around Halloween and the Halloween party, parade, etc. was well worth the extra money to go. 

AUTOGRAPH BOOKS: When you are a little kid, Disney is as much about meeting characters as it is about the attractions. You can buy autograph books that are also photo albums. The character signs the page and then you put the picture of your child with the character in the picture slot opposite the autograph.  You can order those in advance on Disney’s web site.

There are photographers all over the parks. When they take a picture, they scan your PhotoPass card.  The card is free and any photographer can give you one. Then you can go online when you get home and buy any of the pictures you want.

BUTTONS: In the Magic Kingdom, you can go to City Hall and get buttons that say it’s your first trip to Disney. Might seem goofy (pardon the pun) to wear them, but if you do and Disney employees see them – your kids will get extra attention.

For example, during a parade, two Disney employees saw my daughter’s button and decided to wrap her up like a mummy in Mickey Mouse stickers!

I actually used the buttons for a secondary purpose. Before we left home, I put our names and cell numbers and hotel name on a little laminated card. I punched a hole in it and had intended to just pin the card to their clothes in a pocket or something. But when I saw the button I realized I could just put the tag on the back side of the button. If you do the laminated card thing, you want to cut the corners off the laminated card if it is stiff so it won’t poke your child.

Two Good Disney Planning Websites:

www.allears.net
www.mousesavers.com

A fantastic travel agent/deal finder:

Anne Cook
Small World Vacations…. where the magic begins!
www.SmallWorldVacations.com
Dedicated To Your Dreams and Your Dollars
Toll Free: 1-866-360-0400
Office hours: Mon-Fri 9am – 5pm

Chicken Salsa

This is a family favorite. Maybe it will be for you, too.

2 Chicken breasts, cubed
1 small white onion, chopped
1 jar La Victoria Salsa Suprema (or whatever kind you like)
8 oz sour cream
2 cups shredded jack/cheddar
3 tbsp butter
Rice

Brown chicken in butter and put in a deep baking dish (but leave the leftover butter in the pan). Cook the chopped onions in the leftover butter  and then add them to the dish and pour in the salsa.

In a separate bowl, mix the cheese and sour cream. Put that mixture on top of your chicken, etc. and bake it for 45 minutes at 350 degrees. Serve over rice.

It’s most excellent (if I do say so myself).

Do You Choose To Be Sleep-Deprived?

If you are a mom, you probably don’t get enough sleep. Take a moment to think about how many hours of sleep you got last night.  What’s the average for you?

The average adult functions best with 7-8 hours of sleep each night. Most women average only about 6 hours of sleep.

If you are not getting enough sleep, can you do something about it? Unless you have a newborn (or insomnia), odds are you can.  You can choose to get more sleep.

I don’t get to bed early enough. Mostly because my quality personal time occurs when my kids are unconscious. I certainly don’t want to give that up.

That said, I could probably hit the hay a little earlier than I do and still have plenty of ”me” time.

I’m up for a challenge. Maybe you will be, too. I challenge you to go to bed 30 minutes earlier than normal for a week and see if it makes a difference in your life. Let’s see what happens!

We are so busy taking care of everyone else, we need to remember to take care of ourselves – not just once in a while – everyday. One of the ways we can do that is to choose sleep.

Sweet Dreams.